Book Review: The 4 Thoughts That F*ck You Up... and how to fix them

​Have you ever been pissed off that something happened, or has someone ever done (or not done) something that pissed you off? 

The answer is- OF COURSE!

What a ridiculous question! If you're a living, breathing person, you have definitely gotten (very) angry about something you have no control over. Life is full of things we can't control, and even more full of people we can't control (aka every other person on earth... and sometimes even ourselves).

Over the next couple of weeks, we're going to take a look at our unhelpful thought processes and work on replacing them with healthy thought processes, using the rational emotive behavior therapy framework outlined in Daniel Fryer's book, The Four Thoughts That F*ck You Up... and how to fix them.

Whenever you find yourself getting irrationally angry, you are always making a demand, consciously or unconsciously. Identify the demand, and you can work to loosen its hold on your mind and your emotions.

Choose one thing that makes you lose your mind. It could be rude customers, loud children, traffic, missing your workout, rain, the toilet seat being left up, being disrespected by your team~ anything that gets you going.

Do you have an example in your mind? Now, look for the demand. In other words, what MUST (NOT) or SHOULD (NOT) happen? People SHOULD NOT be rude in my store, my children MUST be quiet when I am on a work call, there SHOULD NOT be traffic when I am in a hurry, I MUST NOT miss my workout, it SHOULD NOT rain when the forecast says it will be sunny, the toilet seat MUST be put down after each use, I MUST be respected by my team, etc.

Once you have your demand, see if you hold any of the following kinds of beliefs. You may be having one, two, or all three of these types of thoughts.
1- A Drama~ It is AWFUL when people are rude!
2- An "I can't cope"~ I CAN'T STAND IT when people are rude!
3- A Put Down (of others, self, or the world)~ Rude people are STUPID IDIOTS!

See how often you can catch yourself getting mad because your spoken or unspoken demands are not being met. Then, see if you are indulging in any of the three unhealthy thought patterns that may be accompanying it.

Next week, we will look at how to change these thought patterns, and how changing them can greatly improve your emotional health and well-being.